Kalatash's Ramblings

Now this... is depressing.

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 23:38:06 GMT

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

Maybe I should, you know, use my LJ for stuff.

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 02:21:32 GMT

Brainy Student
62% Tastefulness, 46% Originality, 33% Deliberateness, 15% Sexiness

[Tasteful Original Random Prissy]

Your style is classic but not glamorous. You don't concentrate on
clothes an awful lot, preferring to spend your time on more interesting
matters. You don't want to look like everyone else and your probably
take care to have a unique element or two in your outfits, just to
emphasize your personality, but, on the other hand, you don't need too
much attention paid to your looks. Believe it or not, fashion says some
things about character. You're probably quite an intellectual and
somewhat reserved. But your style is not bad.

The opposite style from yours is Sex Bomb [Flamboyant Conventional Deliberate Sexy].

All the categories: Fashion Enemy Bar Cruiser Kid Next Door Sex Bomb Hippie Kid Fashion Rebel Fashion Artist Catwalk God(ess) Librarian Sporty Hottie Office Master Uptown Girl/ Boy Brainy Student Movie Star Fashionista Glamorous Soul

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 68% on Tastefulness
You scored higher than 38% on Originality
You scored higher than 7% on Deliberateness
You scored higher than 0% on Sexiness

Link: The Fashion Style Test written by mari-e on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Wow, higher than 0% in sexiness? I'm not sure to be ashamed or proud.

Neo-Nazis: 1 Protesters: 0

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 00:34:05 GMT

Before you yell at me, read this: Planned Neo-Nazi march sparks violence

Now, the gist of the article is this. Neo-Nazis plan and schedule a demonstration against 'black crime'. People show up to protest this, because protesting against Neo-Nazis is fun. Protesters includes throwing stuff at them. Then, protesters throw stuff at the cops, sent there to ensure the peace. The protesters then start breaking shit, and burn buildings.

Yeah, way to go guys. Show up to protest a known hate group, that's fine. But when you start rampantly destroying property and hurting people, you just look like complete morons. The best part is that a lot of the protesters were ~~black~~ African American, so not only do you break the law, you prove your enemies right [in a way]! I just hope that SOMEONE learns something from this.

Trick or Treat

Sun, 02 Oct 2005 00:15:31 GMT

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
kalatash goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Urahara Kisuke.
evilcarp tricks you! You get a wet rag.
icefoxen tricks you! You get a block of wood.
karolluis gives you 9 milky white cinnamon-flavoured nuggets.
kaylo tricks you! You lose 5 pieces of candy!
luthorne gives you 6 mauve vanilla-flavoured gummy bats.
mazokuoni tricks you! You get a block of wood.
messiah_grahnje gives you 17 milky white cinnamon-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
quetzy tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
roland_scythe gives you 8 light blue grapefruit-flavoured gummy bats.
strider_orion gives you 11 white licorice-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
kalatash ends up with 45 pieces of candy, a wet rag, a block of wood, and a block of wood.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 07:32:55 GMT

Write 20 things about yourself. Then tag as many people as it take minutes for you to write these 20 things.

I am really, really lazy about putting anything up in my LJ.

I have lived in the same house from when I was born tot he modern day [not counting collage, of course].

I have yet to find any singular activity that REALLY makes me happy.

My mental conversations with myself tend to derail to discussions of '24d6 fire damage' with surprising regularity.

I was in the passenger seat when my mom ran over a deer, and I was scared shitless to drive ont hat road because of it.

I am currently on three medications. [Go me!]

My only work experience so far has been at my dad's sheet metal fabrication facility.

Yes, that is the best place to decribe the place.

One of my main desires in life is to make others happy, which seems to backfire a lot.

I have watched the movie 'South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut' so many times that I have nearly memorized the entire thing by heart.

I recently ran into someone on campus that I had last seen in 'middle school'.

I call it 'middle school', because it was actually a private institution that spanned all grades from 3rd to 12th, but I was only there for my middle school years.

At this place, I was accused by someone for [apparently] masterbating in public, and I didn't know about it until my mom was told. Needless to say, she was distressed.

I tend to enjoy dark humor.

I really hate some of my neighbors this year, since they all seem to LOVE loud things all the time.

I had a piece of gummy worm stuck in my nose.

I got a papercut on my eye.

I find spending money on many things to be really difficult, because I tend to worry about REALLY wanting to spend it on something ELSE later.

Over the summer, the previous rule seemed to have gone out the window.

I find it next to impossible to hate people.

Let's see... 11 minutes. Cripes, I thought I was faster than that. Okay, I choose...

caesarsalad77

meckell

evilcarp

zarla

chiaki777

foxxieangel

weirdboyscott

redkam

elevenbane

strider_orion

Tried to get as many non-Dreamers there. Go, flee the dream you little meme!

I guess it is now.

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 07:01:37 GMT


[adult swim] is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 03:27:22 GMT

Professor: *talking about atoms and electrons* "Of course, these shells are just mathematical models, since actually measuring where the electrons are is impossible. You can't take a 360 degree picture of a snowfield, and not get any footprints."
Me: "What if you camped out in the field before it started snowing?"
Prof: "....."
Class: *snickers*
Prof: "...what's your name, young man?"
Class: *snickers more*

Take me Out...

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 04:28:03 GMT

Today, my family went to a baseball game: Kansas City Royals at Seattle Mariners. Really strange game. We won 11-5, after getting a grand slam in the first inning. Not only that, but the OTHER team got a grand slam in the LAST inning. And the guy who got it?

Pinch hitter with 15 career AB, with 2 hits. Not bad, adding another hit as well as 4 RBI to his record.

Probably the weirdest thing I saw was after the game, though. Two Japanese girls, in kimonos. At a ball park.

Dear god, I love Seattle.

Two Links

Sun, 14 Aug 2005 00:18:12 GMT

Gay lovers in Massachusetts!

Using bums as advertising!

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 04:15:54 GMT

Quote of the day:
"I really like this arrangement, Brent. You hold her down while I drill her."
-Jeremy, @ work

Ah, he has much wisdom to share. Too bad all he shares is bad innuendo. Otherwise, work was work today.

This morning, however, I thought I heard a squirrel call. And it was the wierdest squeek or squeal I have ever heard. Mostly since it was so damn LOUD. It was like the entire animal was resonating [which would look really cool, by the way]. Why does such a little animal need to be so damn LOUD?

A Meme for the Moment

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 02:46:07 GMT

1. Choose five of your all time favorite books.
2. Take the first sentence few sentences of the first chapter and make a list in your journal.
3. Don't reveal the author or the title of the book.
4. Now everyone try and guess.

1- I always get the shakes before a drop.
2- It was a warm spring night when a fist knocked at the door so hard that the hinges bent.
3- The sun was setting by the time Chainer returned to the salt flats outside the city. He welcomed the site of his home but did not relax.
4- It is often said that America "invented" democracy. This view is, of course, an understatement; America invented not only democracy, but freedom, justice, liberty, and "time-sharing."
5- The house stood on a slight rise just on the edge of the village. It stood on its own and looked out over a broad spread of West Country farmland. Not a remarkable house by any means -- it was about thirty years old, squattish, squarish, made of brick, and had four windows set in the front of a size and proportian which more or less exactly failed to please the eye.

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 09:18:19 GMT

"No, he's just dense and to be classified with other similar individuals >.>"
"Grow some balls. >_> Please."
"You're a fucking idiot."
"Help your damn self!"

I have realized this for a long while. That I am not confident enough. Not strong enough. And according to someone else: "you are the most neutral entity I have ever met in my life." I almost find that last one flattering, in a highly insulting fashion. But that is beside the point. The point is that a whole lot of people don't like me. They want me stronger. They want me tougher. They want me to give them the metaphorical finger if the situation calls for it.

I have always been afraid to give that finger, though. What if I give it to the wrong person? What if I give it at the wrong time? What if they come back at me and feed me my own ass? What if? What if? And so on.

So, for now, I'm just going to try and do some self discovery. Find out WHAT I want. Find out WHO I am. For all of you who have felt short with me, felt tense with me, felt angry at me, I am sorry that you felt that way. As for the people who like me just as I am... why? Wait, I ment to say that I hope you don't think I change too much for your tastes.

So from here on out... here goes nothing.

I should use this journal for actual material.

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 23:54:35 GMT

Put your playlist on shuffle. Pick the first 25 songs that come up and add "in my pants" at the end of each title. Bold your favorites.

Ancient Chinese Secret (From Japan) in my pants.

Zombie Son in my pants.

Spread in my pants.

Techno Mix in my pants.

Do This Anymore in my pants.

demonik elektronik in my pants.

Interlude in my pants.

Yanking out my Heart in my pants.

The White Stuff in my pants.

Moscow, Idaho in my pants.

War in my pants.

Ghost of a Good Thing in my pants.

Strong And Strike in my pants.

Polka Your Eyes Out in my pants.

His First Good Deed in my pants.

Nine Tail Demon Fox in my pants.

The Rye or the Kaiser in my pants.

The Night Santa Went Crazy in my pants.

Smells Like Funk in my pants.

Legend of Zelda in my pants.

My Bologna in my pants.

Rough Draft (Acoustic Version) in my pants.

I Said I'm Naruto in my pants.

Miles Apart in my pants.

Ricky Ticky Toc [*] in my pants.

I have come to the conclusion that any instances of Wierd Al in your playlist does some WIERD shit with this meme.

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 23:24:08 GMT

The 'Tempting Fate' meme:

1. Make an LJ-cut post with "DO NOT READ" as the text.
2. Do not select a 'mood' for this post.
3. If anyone clicks the cut, they are to comment and admit to doing so.
4. Anyone who reads this also has to do the same in THEIR journal, thus continuing the neverending madness.

Yes, it's stupid, but why not?

Well, I THINK I have been in Montana...

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 00:57:38 GMT

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

RPG

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 21:42:41 GMT

Your Ultimate Roleplaying Purity Score
Category	Your Score	Average
Hacklust	73.58% Enjoys the occasional head-lopping	53.5%
Sensitive Roleplaying	75.95% Will talk after everyone important's been killed	54.4%
GM Experience	98.55% "Um... You guys are in a 10'x10' room..."	69.3%
Systems Knowledge	96.05% Played in a couple of campaigns	90.3%
Livin' La Vida Dorka	79.31% Goes nuts on the weekends	63%
You are 86.39% pure Average Score: 68.7%
Take The Ultimate Roleplaying Purity Test and see how you match up!

Hmm, I should GM more... and play more, for that matter.

Bad day, bad day, bad day!

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 07:57:37 GMT

At first, I just thought it was going to be a day that would just be medicore. I woke up late, looked at the clock, took the calculated risk that nothing important would be happening in Computer Science today, and began my morning leisurely. Unfortunately, it turns out that I should have washed out my water bottle [which last contained Crystal Light], because the slight film it seemed to have developed was a bacteria that my insides didn't take too well.

For the morning, I had nausea.

After that was taken care of, I decided to relaxe, look over notes, and chat with friends. Until I realized I had a lab reprot that was due today, or at least was due ASAP. So I spent the afternoon finishing that up and turning it in.

For the afternoon, I had rushed writing and a hand cramp.

After that, I decided to watch a movie and continue to generally do stuff. After narrowly getting into the dining center before it closed, I was generally content. I decided to look at the Comp Sci webpage to see if there were any important notes I shoudl print out.

For the evening, I nearly had a heart attack.

It turns out, I had a test that morning. The test was worth 30% the final grade. And the teacher never allows makeups. Needless to say, I'm pretty bummed. I have a class I have slim chance in passing now, depending on how well I do on the rest of the assignments and how the final grades are, eventually, curved. All of this, right after my aprents were so proud of my straight A fall semester. As well as my 35% test in Dynamics.

Oy... at least I think I can drop this class...

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 21:31:50 GMT

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD (OTHER THAN THIS ONE):
1. OCR Bich
2. trouBLE [Thankfully, it was taken, so I use Kalatash now instead.]
3. KaIatash [Unused AIM name, since I forgot the password to Kalatash on AIM. :/ ]

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. The fact I am loosing weight.
2. My creativity.
3. The ease at which I get numerical concepts.

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My shyness.
2. My inability to properly comunicate.
3. My fear of social situations

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. White [English]
2. White [Irish]
3. White [Scandanavian]

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Death.
2. Not finding someone.
3. The fact that some people think I'm sexy.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Reading webcomics.
2. Looking at my Magic cards.
3. Listening to music.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Khaki pants.
2. "Gonads and Strife" t-shirt.
3. Black, velcro sandles.
[What is with the people who take this test right before or right after bed? Get dressed, people!]

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS AT THE MOMENT:
1. Linkin Park
2. Postal Service
3. Flogging Molly

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. "Such Great Heights" - Postal Service
2. "Furious Angels" - Rob Dougan
3. "Where is the Love?" - Black Eyed Peas

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Go to some sort of cenvention.
2. GM an adventure or campaign.
3. Produce a creative work I am really proud of.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (Love is a given):
1. Common interests.
2. Understanding.
3. Lack of creepy clinginess.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (Guess which one's the lie?):
1. I am becoming, or am, bi.
2. I hate the people that hate me.
3. My picture has appeared in the newspaper.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Hair.
2. Eyes.
3. Curves.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Finish something I start.
2. Find the right thing to say.
3. See the point in "Thank You" cards.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Magic: the Gathering.
2. Creating my own fantasy world.
3. Role playing.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Get something to drink.
2. Pass all my classes with good grades so I don't need to worry about last semester.
3. Have my nose be completely unclogged of phlem.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Robotic engineer.
2. Game designer.
3. Writer.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Ireland.
2. Austraila.
3. Someplace on the East Coast.

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
[Dear god, I suck with names.]
1. Amber. [Girl.]
2. Justin. [Boy.]
3. Max. [Either.]

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Learn to not fear death.
2. Become successsful.
3. Find a significant other.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
[Do I even know three people who haven't taken this quiz yet?]
1. wolphstrykes
2. gothkat
3. Er... noellelakewood?

Just some quizzes.

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 01:40:04 GMT

The Wanderer...

What was your job in a past life? (LOTS of results & Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


magic: the gathering is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

You Are the Investigator

5

You're independent - and a logical analytical thinker.

You love learning and ideas... and know things no one else does.

Bored by small talk, you refuse to participate in boring conversations.

You are open minded. A visionary. You understand the world and may change it.

What number are you?

And in personal news: Where the **** is my calculator? >_< Grr, stupid piece of exprensive technology... I need it!

'Borrowed' from gothkat.

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 06:05:16 GMT

Aztec Astrology: Because why not?

27 Jun 1985
The Day is 4 Miquiztli (Death's Head)
The sign of Miquiztli is the head of the god of the Underworld and is associated with bad luck and the night.

The presiding deity is Tecciztecatl, he of the Seashell, a moon god and a patron of hunters. This is because the light of the moon was said to make hunting much easier.

Tecciztecatl represented hesitancy and uncertainness, but brashness as well. During the creation of light upon the world, it was his idea to create the light, but he refused four times to cast himself upon the fire. It was a leprous deity called Nanautzin who threw himself into the fire at the first attempt, thus shaming Tecciztecatl who followed his example. Nanautzin became the bright sun and Tecciztecatl became the moon.

People born under this deity's rule are of a hesitant nature, uncertain and afraid to take a chance. They are not easy to convince, but when they are, they rush headlong into things.

Possibly a person with a dark side to their nature and prone to misfortune or ill health. But a person who tries to influence them in any way will need a strong character. They are also inclined to be a little shy and will always do their best to avoid serious trouble.

The Week is 1 Calli (House)
The presiding deity is Itzpapalotl, the Black Obsidian Butterfly, who flutters round at night striking terror into the hearts of men. She signifies the terror of a nightmare and the ultimate evil associated with the night. She is a destructive but beautiful demon who represents the evil that comes out of darkness and the destruction of all that we hold to be good.

A very unlucky week in which to be born and those whose birthday falls within it will have a very destructive side to their nature. A fear of unseen things will be their lot and this will probably lead to an anti-religious feeling almost to the point of persecution, but this is by no means certain.

The chances are that this person will inherit a side to their nature that will cause a bad influence upon others, especially amongst the young.

...well, this is certainly a ray of sunshine on my day.

Ah, collage life.

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 01:15:06 GMT

It's official. I am an American male college student.

I came to this realization last night. At around 7PM, I went to the weekly Anime Club meeting and watched some Naruto and Full Metal Alchemist. [Why did Hughes have to die?! ;_; ] But that was only the beginning. Hell, it was before the beginning.

When I got back to my dorm, I started walking down the hallway towards my room [my room is 3 doors from the far end], and I noticed Dirk had his room door open and he was playing some multiplayer Halo 2. [Matt is his actual name, but considering the floor has 4 Matts we tend to use their last names or, in this case, part of his last name.] I knew he had Halo 2, since I played it a little bit on Tuesday, but I was knocked off my controller [since it's rightful owner came back to the room] and I was unable to play for the rest of the day. But this time... I decided to stake my claim to a controller, hell or high water.

They were just playing 1 on 1 Slayer on the updated Blood Gulch and were mostly just screwing around, trying to get a feel for the level and figure out what neat tricks they could pull. I saw one of them, in a Banshee, jump from the Banshee to land on the other, occupied, Banshee and hijack it. That was something cool to see. I continued to sit there for the next hour, just watching them play, so that I would be garrenteed a seat in the next game. However, after that game, they decided to go on a Flix run.

[Definition: Flix run: noun: A meeting of one or more people, typically late into the evening, in which they go to the nearby late night market known as Flix to get various things to eat and drink, such as burgers, fries, corn dogs, milkshakes, and juice.]

As soon as I exited his room to put some things back into my room and go to the bathroom, I noticed something peculiar. Mainly, the fact that Jason and Marc, some of my next door neighbors, had decided to make a fort in the hallway out of chairs, cushions, and sheets. For a moment, I just stood their gawking, but as I got closer, my worst fear was laid to rest: They had not, in fact, blocked my door with their fort. Jason smiled and said "Well, just not yet." I began to snicker as I opened my door to put back my messenger bag and water bottle as Marc added more to the fort on his side. When I came out of my room again, I noticed one of their Hulk hammers sticking out from beneath a chair and in the position to trip me, had it been something solid. Feeling slightly mischievous, I decided to mock taking it.

[Definition: Hulk hammer: noun: One of two inflatable squeaky hammers that Kyle and Drew either won or bought at the most recent State Fair, covered with the likeness of the Incredible Hulk.]

Jason began to yell that I was stealing the cannon of their fort, grabbed the other hammer, and began to crawl under the sheet of his makeshift fort. Seeing the bulge of his head begin to peek out from under the sheet, I raised the hammer and gave him a very satisfying squeeky wham to the head. As he continued forward, I hit him again, but missed his head and hit him in the shoulders instead. Free of the confines of the sheet, he then proceeded to attack me with the squeaky hammer, and many squeaky blows were traded. Sometime during this, I dropped my hammer and began to walk down the hallway away from Jason when he jumped up on my back.

Now, Jason is probably half my weight, and maybe a full foot shorter than me. But he has his arms around my shoulders, his legs around my waist, and is yelling at me to concede defeat at the hands of the Fort. Around this point, I begin to crack up and I just can't stop laughing as I begin walking down the hall with Jason on my back. Jason then gets smart [shock and horror!] and then uses both of his legs to pull one of mine up, forcing me to place a hand on both walls to keep my balance as I keep laughing. I was barely able to admit defeat at the hands of Jason when *WHAM!* Marc hits Jason on the head with a Hulk hammer.

By this time, there is a small group of people at the other end of the hall that begin to crack up uncontollably as Jason hops off of me at the sudden attack, prompting Max [my former roommate] to poke his head out of his room and ask what's going on. Dirk decides to not tell Max, but show him instead and tells him to turn around. After some quick negotiating, Max did so and Dirk jumped on his back. Then, they decided to charge at the fort and Marc rand forward to protect their property. After impact, there was a loud crash, signifying that someone had accidentally smashed the "Break in case of fire" glass over the fire extinguisher. This lead to another bought of laughter, as this was apparently the third time that Dirk had been involved with the smashing of one of those sheets of glass. This was, of course, news to me.

After that little bought of destruction, everyone decided to clean up as much of the glass as they could [getting rid of evidence, most likely] and Jason and Marc dismantled their fort, fearing getting yelled at by the RA. And after all of that... we finally go on out Flix run. It was pretty standard fare all around. I decided to get some chocolate milk and a corn dog, someone else got Gatorade, someone got a bacon cheeseburger. We had random conversation about the things going on the floor and the like, and I brought up this little doozy. [WARNING: Not PG-13.] I think the topic at the time was about video games at the time, as everyone was talking about the upcoming Halo 2 LAN game.

After everyone finished their snacks or finished as much as they wanted to finish, we then went up and played gratuitous Halo 2 multiplayer. A common occurrence between games was changing your screen name for the next match, usually to insult others. Dirk was trying to think of a good name and choose "Jolly Roger", which he got ribbed on for. Other names included "Bloody Tampon" [which is apparently the name of a drink], "Whore with AIDS", "Slut with STDs", and "9COCKSINDIRKSASS". The last one was funny because that player, Max, had for his symbol the number 0, so Dirk kept on saying that his name didn't make any sense, and furthermore, there was no way that 9 would ever fit. And it would continue on like this, occasionally tossing insults back and forth between rooms as we played a variety of game types. Sometimes Slayer, sometimes Capture the Flag, sometimes Juggernaut. I think people decided their favorite game type was Swords with Rockets, a plethora of one shot kills.

And the final moment of the night was Dirk looking at his battle results, wondering what each of the symbols for the medals were awarded for. Through one of the headsets came the reply, "The one on the far left, the six pointed star? That's for having 9 cocks in your ass." The entire room went silent for a moment, then everyone began laughing simultaneously. One person accidentally hit his head on a cabinet he was laughing so hard. Noticing it was after 2AM, my eyes were really sore, and I had developed a rather nasty headache I decided to call it a night.

So a night of video games, roughhousing, and accidental property destruction. It's official, I'm in collage now.

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 22:30:41 GMT

Grab the nearest book.
Open the book to page 23.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post the text of the sentence in your journal...
...along with these instructions.

"Uncanny Dodge 2: The Fast hero can no longer be flanked; she can react to opponents on opposite sides of herself as she can react to a single attacker."

From d20 Modern Roleplaying Game: Core Rulebook by Bill Slavicsek, Jeff Grubb, Rich Redman, and Charles Ryan.

It just happened to be on my bed. o_o

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 00:25:57 GMT

Yesterday was a perfectly blogable entry, so I feel I should write something about it.

This weekend was my collage's "Dad's Weekend", so my entire family came over to spend the weekend with me. They came on Friday night and we went out for a steak dinner. God damn, that steak was good. The sauce, the vegetables, the garlic mashed potatoes... @_@ I would eat there more often if it didn't cost 30$ per person.

Yesterday morning, my parents made sure I was up and active [relatively] early so we could go see "Team America", which I had said I wanted to see and they found out was playing just after noon in the next town over. So they quickly picked me up and we sped off to go see a movie about puppets. And it was hilarious. Jokes were nearly constant, and they held nothing sacred. The fact that they were puppets was the source of several jokes, including the 'panthers' near the end. As long as you can stomache the idea of puppets vomiting and the words 'pussy' and 'cock', I highly recommend the movie.

After that, we went to the football game. We lost, badly. And it was really, really cold. Like, it was snowing before the game cold. But we still got two amazing touchdowns, so it wasn't a total loss.

After that we went to see Drew Carry and the Improv All-Stars. And once again, we all laughed. A lot. Usually at the comedians, but sometimes at the audience. Asking one of the audience members what his lifelong ambitions was and getting the answer of 'shoe salesmen'. For a "Jeapordy" game, they had the audience provide the answers to the categories and the actors make up the questions. Having the people say that 'hay' was a three syllable word and Tokyo was a country in Asia was the source of many jokes. I think the best question/answer pair was "Sombrero." "What is better than no brero?".

And the final act had them improving a scene... barefoot and blindfolded... on a field of 95 live mouse- [*snap* "Shit!"] 94 live mousetraps. There was no point to it besides seeing professionals get hurt. And it accomplished that beautifully.

To "Watcher":

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 19:32:48 GMT

......I suddenly realize why I hate anonymous posting. I'm not saying I didn't want you to say what you said, but I'm not exactly sure who you are either. Which is frustrating, because I kinda want you to continue talking to me and hopefully set me straight or something.

As for what you said... I guess your right. It just happened so gradually that I became 'obsessive' over people that I didn't realize what was happening until I had entered the realm of no return. I guess I'm not just 'obsessive' over people either, but over actions, over the future. I guess the worst fear I have is things not going how I planned. So in that sense, I would be a better writer than a role player. Being able to control what happens on both sides is so much easier. :P

So, this basically means I know the problem. Or at least, a buzzword that is supposed to identify my problem. ...so now what?

I'm not being sarcastic. I want to change, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to go about it. Of course, I'm also taking drugs that are supposed to be helping me change my personality and so on, but I just can't feel it happening. Of course, I guess I just expect some sort of switch to sudden trigger in my head and everything looks different, but I guess that only happens in the movies.

So I am obsessive. So how do I become less obsessive? Do I just try to limit how much time I spend with the obsessive things? Do I try to go 'cold turkey' and just cut myself off for a time? Forever? Should I try to write, put down in words something that I can completely control so that I stop worring aobut other things?

And what does it mean to be a friend, exactly? I guess... I just don't know for sure. I thought a friend was just someone that you liked talking to, that you can have conversations about nothing that drag on into the wee hours of the morning. That you can just be with. I guess that the only person I can really call my friend is my sister, then. I can't remember how many times we just had wierd conversations that trailed off until 4AM.

If you are reading this 'Watcher', I would like for you to respond. Eitehr you are a neutral third party [which is what I really need right now], or you are someone involved that doesn't want your words clouded by your name. Either way, I want you to give me advice.

Failure

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 21:58:47 GMT

Frankly, I have no idea how to start these entries, so I'm just going to start talking.

My mood has been... muted since last night. And I feel worse typing these words, since I think I will be blamed for something else again. So I guess I'm a little it afraid as well. But I just feel like... there is an overwhelming sense of failure about me. But not about classes [heck, in the three tests scores that I have gotten graded so far, I have scored 95%, 96%, and 100%]. It's not about my sense of worth. It's not about any sort of tangible thing.

But I feel... that I have failed as a friend. And that hurts.

There are two people that make me feel like this. A boy and a girl. To respect their privacy, I won't name any names, but I'm sure that thay can figure out I am talking about them, and maybe others can figure it out as well.

Frankly... I have no idea what went wrong with the girl, and I'm still not sure. And I'm not even sure if it's still wrong, either. As far as I can tell anymore, it okay to talk to her as long as it is in some sort of business sense, but I shouldn't aprouch her in any sort of personal way. In a sense, she is sort of like a co-worker, and employee dating is strictly forbidden. Or something.

And then... there is the guy. He says I shouldn't blame myself, that I only feel bad because I DON'T want to be "the bad guy" that hurts others feelings. But... when he also said that I was one of the last reasons for him to be hanging around his place, and he is leaving becasue I was too busy in real life to interact that much, it... it hurts. I feel like I was the last rope, the critical link in the chain that suddenly snapped, and he is no longer "with us" because of that.

*sighs* Maybe I am just dwelling to much on this. Maybe I am just a 'naive and childish little boy'. But you know what? I don't want to be. And I have known that a long time. I know that I need to change, but it's hard when you don't have a plan.

That's why I went to a career fair last Tuesday. I only found out about it the mornign that it happened, and was only there for the very last hour so a lot of the tables were folding up. But I still got information on what, exactly, a mechanical engineering major DOES for his job, and maybe I will grow up to like doing that sort of stuff. But only time will tell.